Tue Apr 19, 2005
Sometimes I Just Forget
So I've been trying to distance myself from emotional addictions, in that healthy way, in that discipline kind of way, maybe in the light of imminent change come june july august september, come whoever, come whenever. So, I was doing that, and I come across this old thing of mine, this old "blog" (that made the Christian Science Monitor, I kid you not, I have the article), the last post sometimes in late December/early January. There are a lot of comments after each post, lotsa online poker website advertisements. But there are those people who I love who drop by every now and again to say hello. Frankly, those are the ones that I would want to keep a blog for, a little jamal update book with all the good information to keep you updated on your favorite whacky paki.
I'm happy, but realize that will soon lull to contentness. Sorta tired, ran today in shorts and a scrubs top, which I received much "praise" for, and I think that I'll do that more often. I'm watching what I eat, ahhaha, watching plate after plate of it go down my throat hahaha, no, I kid I kid.
I'm still here. I just want to feel around, maybe fit my grasp around something new in my life that's always been there. That's justified. Like I always say, I'm a fan of experience. Or, my middle school slogan: "I'm not gay, I'm Jamal!". Why did THAT have to be my middle school slogan.
I had/have a xanga that seems incredible unattractive right now. That last post was a while ago, and a lot of growing up has happened since. Leave it to me to do all the growing up alone. What goes around comes around or some shit like that yeah whatever I have to go look for plane tickets to Kentucky, oooooooooh man, Spring Break in the Chicken State! That sorta rhymes and "the chicken state" is sorta Kentucky's non-official nickname.
Crushlists this year are going to be weird. Fuck, "The Freshman" by Verve Pipe happened to play on my iPod so now I feel like this is a sentimental entry. There definitely needs to be more outings in the middle of the night. Good times.
Last night I saw the Girl Next Door with the girl next door, pretty fun.
Um... Oh yeah State Finalist in Extemporaneous Speaking, wundebar babe.
Where has my tricia gone... and linda... and all my sweethearts now that i think about it. I feel like I've been doing the ignoring but hey it's a two person job.
That said, airplane tickets.
much love, shawshank fo'eva bitches
[3816] comments (1957 views) | link
Wed Jan 12, 2005
New Me.
According to Ms. Alcott, this happens to intelligent people who reflect a lot. All of a sudden, they change. It's as if they die and someone takes over their body, having at their possession all their memories, etc. Well, I'm not going to say I'm intelligent, that's silly, but I sure do reflect. It's all I do really.
Well, long story short, new me? Damn son, that's hot. And scary. Sorta funny. Story material :)
[2172] comments (1980 views) | link
Thu Dec 02, 2004
A Shawshank Evening
Well, since noone reads this anymore I decided to post up one of my favorite scenes from the Shawshank Redemption, the scene in May where Norton announces the roof of one of the prison buildings needs re-tarring.
Enjoy :)
Warden Norton addresses the assembled cons via bullhorn:
NORTON
...the roof of the license-plate
factory needs resurfacing. I need a
dozen volunteers for a week's work.
We're gonna be taking names in this
steel bucket here...
Red glances around at his friends. Andy also catches his eye.
RED (V.O.)
It was outdoor detail, and May is
one damn fine month to be workin'
outdoors.
54 EXT -- PRISON YARD -- DAY (1949) 54
Cons shuffle past, dropping slips of paper into a bucket.
RED (V.O.)
More than a hundred men volunteered
for the job.
Red saunters to a guard named TIM YOUNGBLOOD, mutters
discreetly in his ear.
55 EXT -- PRISON YARD -- DAY (1949) 55
Youngblood is pulling names and reading them off. Red
exchanges grins with Andy and the others.
RED (V.O.)
Wouldn't you know it? Me and some
fellas I know were among the names
called.
56 INT -- PRISON CORRIDOR -- NIGHT (1949) 56
Red slips Youngblood six packs of cigarettes.
RED (V.O.)
Only cost us a pack of smokes per
man. I made my usual twenty
percent, of course.
57 EXT -- LICENSE PLATE FACTORY -- DAY (1949) 57
A tar-cooker bubbles and smokes. TWO CONS dip up a bucket of
tar and tie a rope to the handle. The rope goes taught. CAMERA
FOLLOWS the bucket of tar up the side of the building to --
58 THE ROOF 58
-- where it is relayed to the work detail. The men are dipping
big Padd brushes and spreading the tar. ANGLZ OVER to Byron
Hadley bitching sourly to his fellow guards:
HADLEY
...so this shithead lawyer calls
long distance from Texas, and he
says, Byron Hadley? I say, yeah. He
says, sorry to inform you, but your
brother just died.
YOUNGBLOOD
Damn, Byron. Sorry to hear that.
HADLEY
I ain't. He was an asshole. Run off
years ago, family ain't heard of him
since. Figured him for dead anyway.
So this lawyer prick says, your
brother died a rich man. Oil wells
and shit, close to a million bucks.
Jesus, it's frigging incredible how
lucky some assholes can get.
TROUT
A million bucks? Jeez-Louise! You
get any of that?
HADLEY
Thirty five thousand. That's what
he left me.
TROUT
Dollars? Holy shit, that's great!
Like winnin' a lottery...
(off Hadley's shitty look)
...ain't it?
HADLEY
Dumbshit. What do you figger the
government's gonna do to me? Take a
big wet bite out of my ass, is what.
TROUT
Oh. Hadn't thought of that.
HADLEY
Maybe leave me enough to buy a new
car with. Then what happens? You
pay tax on the car. Repairs and
maintenance. Goddamn kids pesterin'
you to take 'em for a ride...
MERT
And drive it, if they're old enough.
HADLEY
That's right, wanting to drive it,
wanting to learn on it, f'Chrissake!
Then at the end of the year, if you
figured the tax wrong, they make
you pay out of your own pocket.
Uncle Sam puts his hand in your
shirt and squeezes your tit till
it's purple. Always get the short
end. That's a fact.
(spits over the side)
Some brother. Shit.
The prisoners keep spreading tar, eyes on their work.
HEYWOOD
Poor Byron. What terrible fuckin'
luck. Imagine inheriting thirty
five thousand dollars.
RED
Crying shame. Some folks got it
awful bad.
Red glances over -- and is shocked to see Andy standing up,
listening to the guards talk.
RED
Hey, you nuts? Keep your eyes on
your pail!
Andy tosses his Padd in the bucket and strolls toward Hadley.
RED
Andy! Come back! Shit!
SNOOZE
What's he doing?
FLOYD
Gettin' himself killed.
RED
God damn it...
HEYWOOD
Just keep spreadin' tar...
The guards stiffen at Andy's approach. Youngblood's hand goes
to his holster. The tower guards CLICK-CLACK their rifle
bolts. Hadley turns, stupefied to find Andy there.
ANDY
Mr. Hadley. Do you trust your wife?
HADLEY
That's funny. You're gonna look
funnier suckin' my dick with no
fuckin' teeth.
ANDY
What I mean is, do you think she'd
go behind your back? Try to
hamstring you?
HADLEY
That's it! Step aside, Mert. This
fucker's havin' hisself an accident.
Hadley grabs Andy's collar and propels him violently toward
the edge of the roof. The cons furiously keep spreading tar.
HEYWOOD
Oh God, he's gonna do it, he's
gonna throw him off the roof...
SNOOZE
Oh shit, oh fuck, oh Jesus...
ANDY
Because if you do trust her, there's
no reason in the world you can't
keep every cent of that money.
Hadley abruptly jerks Andy to a stop right at the edge. In
fact, Andy's past the edge, beyond his balance, shoetips
scraping the roof. The only thing between him and an ugly drop
to the concrete is Hadley's grip on the front of his shirt.
HADLEY
You better start making sense.
ANDY
If you want to keep that money, all
of it, just give it to your wife.
See, the IRS allows you a one-time-
only gift to your spouse. It's good
up to sixty thousand dollars.
HADLEY
Naw, that ain't right! Tax free?
ANDY
Tax free. IRS can't touch one cent.
The cons are pausing work, stunned by this business discussion.
HADLEY
You're the smart banker what shot
his wife. Why should I believe a
smart banker like you? So's I can
wind up in here with you?
ANDY
It's perfectly legal. Go ask the
IRS, they'll say the same thing.
Actually, I feel silly telling you
all this. I'm sure you would have
investigated the matter yourself.
HADLEY
Fuckin'-A. I don't need no smart
wife-killin' banker to show me where
the bear shit in the buckwheat.
ANDY
Of course not. But you will need
somebody to set up the tax-free
gift, and that'll cost you. A
lawyer, for example...
HADLEY
Ambulance-chaaing, highway-robbing
cocksuckers!
ANDY
...or come to think of it, I
suppose I could set it up for you.
That would save you some money.
I'll write down the forms you need,
you can pick them up, and I'll
prepare them for your signature...
nearly free of charge.
(off Hadley's look)
I'd only ask three beers apiece for
my co-workers, if that seems fair.
TROUT
(guffawing)
Co-workers! Get him! That's rich,
ain't it? Co-workers...
Hadley freezes him with a look. Andy presses on:
ANDY
I think a nan working outdoors
feels more like a man if he can
have a bottle of suds. That's only
my opinion.
The convicts stand gaping, all pretense of work gone. They
look like they've been pole-axed. Hadley shoots them a look.
HADLEY
What are you jimmies starin' at?
Back to work, goddamn it!
59 EXT -- LICENSE PLATE FACTORY -- DAY (1949) 59
As before, an object is hauled up the side of the building by
rope -- only this time, it's a cooler of beer and ice.
RED (V.O.)
And that's how it came to pass,
that on the second-to-last day of
the job, the convict crew that
tarred the plate factory roof in
the spring of '49...
60 EXT -- ROOF -- SHORTLY LATER (1949) 60
The cons are taking the sun and drinking beer.
RED (V.O.)
...wound up sitting in a row at ten
o'clock in the morning, drinking icy
cold Black Label beer courtesy of
the hardest screw that ever walked
a turn at Shawshank State Prison.
HADLEY
Drink up, boys. While it's cold.
RED (V.O.)
The colossal prick even managed to
sound magnanimous.
Red knocks back another sip, enjoying the bitter cold on his
tongue and the warm sun on face.
RED (V.O.)
We sat and drank with the sun on
our shoulders, and felt like free
men. We could'a been tarring the
roof of one of our own houses. We
were the Lords of all Creation.
He glances over to Andy squatting apart from the others.
RED (V.O.)
As for Andy, he spent that break
hunkered in the shade, a strange
little smile on his face, watching
us drink his beer.
HEYWOOD
(approaches with a beer)
Here's a cold one, Andy.
ANDY
No thanks. I gave up drinking.
Heywood drifts back to others, giving them a look.
RED (V.O.)
You could argue he'd done it to
curry favor with the guards. Or
maybe make a few friends among us
cons. Me, I think he did it just to
feel normal again...if only for a
short while.
[2382] comments (1195 views) | link
Mon Nov 29, 2004
Hi
I've sorta gone back to xanga, hopefully I still can have my space here though, in my own world apart from the rest.
I'm in space and no one can hear me, no one can hear me cry.
[5040] comments (2541 views) | link
Fri Oct 15, 2004
Is Bush good for the World?
A man on a subway said to his friend "I wonder if other trains are like New York's", his friend replied "What do you mean? There aren't any subways outside of New York City", and the man thought "Brother you've been in NYC too long"... that's a summary of a poem I read on the good subway poetry lines, and it parallels a a scenario worth taking notice of. Just like in good old New Yorkers might only see the subway go as far as thecity limits, Americans see the world fade at our coasts. We could start a whole argument if it is wrong for Americans to focus only uniquely on themselves when they hold a seat of power in the only superpower in the world, contrasting if it's their right to think however they want, but we won't; however, we cannot keel over and deny how influential a mindset this is, especially with the ever growing numbers of blind patriots. I personally don't believe in patriotism. I don't believe in governments, or the free states. I am a pacifist, a Muslim, an intellectual (I hope) and a humanist. I don't really see fit blindly supporting your government while it does terrible things overseas is justified because you love your country, no matter what the costs to other countries. To be continued I lost interest in this just like everthing else in my life right now. But I had a point I was getting to, about how Bush's policies will disrupt a possible resource for moving towards global peace, because of his evangelical and neoconservative motives, and by doing so would get rid of the only possible solution I see fit for the world: You leave me alone, I leave you alone. Yes! Separatism!
on that note, happy ramadan
[3063] comments (2188 views) | link
Sat Sep 25, 2004
Holy crap!
alright so in the midst of my sat2 studying I began thinking about a, well, revealing experience last thursday. and for some reason I had audioslave's "like a stone" stuck in my head, so I switched in the first line "cold wet afternoon" with "thursday afterschool" and sang it outloud. I kept bursting into laughter because of how shocking the similarities were to that day and to the new song I made, like, it was scary, oh man oh man, wow. Hah! It's like the ultimate inside joke only for me, and it's still funny even tho I made it up, because it was so surprising!
I've just wasted your time!
Green Day on tour, I missed the NYC date but maybe if the whole college thing goes smoothly I'll bump a ride to Montreal with a complete stranger and catch the concert there.
Maybe.
[3222] comments (2487 views) | link
Mon Sep 20, 2004
Memphis
you know, sometimes I just don't get you
I love punching with soul, hitting an opponent so hard, with all my body, all my soul, that the shock goes right through them, strikes them deep, strikes their soul, so that for a brief moment our souls look eachother straight in the eyes, and a truth is realized.
[2616] comments (2817 views) | link
Tue Sep 07, 2004
Mon Sep 06, 2004
And just like that I think I've found it
the end of innocence should be measured by events like this. revelations so shocking but so needed and fitting that they put you on this swing, but on one side of the swing lies this laughing acceptance of things, like a moment from the future when you were promised to laugh at this moment years later, and on the other side of this swing a blinding chaos, a new game when you've been losing the one you've been playing. Back and forth, back and forth, swinging higher and higher. Questions are answered. Why I like to listen to music so much. Why I'm so argumentative with my sister. Why I can never find peace at home. Why I'd prefer to go to a college no one has ever heard of. Why conflict resolution seems so fitting for me. Why I would enjoy a vacation so much more without my family and past, but in the embrace of a loving partner. Why it's hard for me to smile. Why I feel nostalgic over things I just saw.
fitting pieces of a puzzle, each piece a red hot poker stuck in my ribs, numbing.
Will this one die down? Ah, who knows, but until I figure it out I want this entry to be dedicated as poetry, and hopefully someone else can gain from it, either from aiming to find something themselves, and not to simply "grow up" but to hold onto everything good in your life.
I have yet to diary.
[2770] comments (2797 views) | link
Sat Sep 04, 2004
I speak of a sadness
well my dad has up and gone decided to take us ona family vacation. The problem is, he hasn't told us where yet. Hm. I'm going to pack a good book (or two) to read, and bring the trusty iPod. Until then, don't expect to find me anywhere in NYC for a while. Call the police if I'm not back by Tuesday. Just joking. but seriously. :)
I can see my reflection in a mirror as I type this. It's a strange feeling, as my thoughts flip from whether to describe myself (messy hair, slowly growing facial hair from not shaving this week, gray paint-covered t-shirt) or discourse on what it feels like to type and look at yourself at the same time. It's not a mirror, it's a TV that's turned off.
[3554] comments (4576 views) | link
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